The Power of TED

POST 10

The inspiration today is taken from David Emerald’s -The Power of TED*

*The Empowerment Dynamic

Welcome to week 4 of the Boot Camp Blog!

I have left most of the talking in this particular post to the author David Emerald, author of ‘The Power of TED’. His information is a revelation. If you recognise yourself in any of the roles within the following ‘Dreaded Drama Triangle’ keep reading through to the wonderful ‘Empowerment Dynamic’ and beyond, where the key to conquering the Dread is revealed!

“Your life is a kind of laboratory where you’re constantly experimenting with your own higher knowing, always increasing your capacity to design the life you choose. Human beings must create; it’s hardwired. The question is, are you consciously creating or only sleepwalking through your human life?” David Emerald

It’s a fact that we all create our own lives, whether deliberately and consciously, or unknowingly and unconsciously. One of the major aims of this Blog is to give you an increasing awareness and understanding of how much control you have, and an important part of that awareness is recognising the roles that we ‘tend’ to adopt within our lives. Realising this will give you much more understanding and freedom in your creations.

There are two very different orientations from which we can choose to live, and roles we can adopt within them: ‘The Dreaded Drama Triangle’ (DDT) is the home of the Victim, the Persecutor and the Rescuer, whilst ‘The Empowerment Dynamic’ (TED) houses the Creator, the Challenger and the Coach.

Understanding ‘The Dreaded Drama Triangle’

“When you inhabit any of these three roles, you’re reacting to fear of victimhood, loss of control, or loss of purpose. You’re always looking outside yourself, to the people and circumstances of life, for a sense of safety, security, and sanity.” David Emerald

‘The Victim’

“Victims may be defensive, submissive, over-accommodating to others, passive-aggressive in conflict, dependent on others for self-worth, overly sensitive, even manipulative. They’re often angry, resentful, and envious, feeling unworthy or ashamed about their circumstances. Have you ever felt or acted this way?” David Emerald

My hand is up!

“Every Victim requires a Persecutor. But the Persecutor isn’t always necessarily a person. The Persecutor could also be a condition or a circumstance. A persecuting condition might be a disease or a heart attack, or an injury. A persecuting circumstance could be a natural disaster, like a hurricane or an earthquake or a house burning down.” David Emerald

When I was living an unhealthy lifestyle I was, oddly enough (!) also in an unhealthy relationship. Both of these were my persecutors. I used to ask myself how it could be my fault that my partner was ‘x’, ‘y’, or ‘z’? Or I’d be thinking ‘poor me’ for being unwell and therefore overweight. It hadn’t yet occurred that my life was rooted in fear – of loss and the unknown – and I certainly didn’t understand that change needed to come from me – not to me!

“There’s nothing so delightful as being aware. Would you rather live in darkness? Would you rather act and not be aware of your words? Would you rather listen to people and not be aware of what you’re hearing, or see things and not be aware of what you’re looking at? The great Socrates said, ‘The unaware life is not worth living.’ That’s a self-evident truth. Most people don’t live aware lives. They live mechanical lives, mechanical thoughts—generally somebody else’s—mechanical emotions, mechanical actions, mechanical reactions.” Anthony de Mello – Awareness

‘The Persecutor’

“These people are often authoritarian and rigid in their views, exerting power over others in an effort to keep others from having power over them. Persecutors may act grandiose and self-righteous to mask their own insecurity. Persecutors, like Victims, act out of fear. The may seem fearless, but actually Persecutors are almost always former Victims.”David Emerald

When I began to resist being a victim, I became more of the aggressor – angry and frustrated that things weren’t changing according to how I wanted them to. Still not understanding that it was me that needed to be the change I wanted to see - and trust that.

‘The Rescuer’

“A Rescuer isn’t always a person. Addictions to alcohol or drugs, sexual addiction, workaholism—all the ways we numb out—can rescue the Victim from feeling his or her own feelings.”David Emerald

Yes, the anaesthetics of alcohol, TV, over-eating etc, may temporarily numb out the feelings, like a quick fix – but the problem will still be there, gnawing away…

Where the Rescuer is a person, they themselves tend to lack purpose or self-esteem. Rescuers are generally attracted to those who are needy (a Victim) so as to ‘rescue’ them. Not a winning combination!

“Persecutors fear loss of control. Rescuers fear loss of purpose. Rescuers need Victims—someone to protect or fix—to bolster their self-esteem.”David Emerald

Enter the change – ‘The Empowerment Dynamic’

‘The Creator’

“One of the fundamental differences between the Victim Orientation and this one [Creator] is where you put your focus of attention… For Victims, the focus is always on what they don’t want: the problems that seem constantly to multiply in their lives. They don’t want the person, condition, or circumstance they consider their Persecutor, and they don’t want the fear that leads to fight, flee or freeze reactions, either. Creators, on the other hand, place their focus on what they do want. Doing this, Creators still face and solve problems in the course of creating outcomes they want, but their focus remains fixed on their ultimate vision.” David Emerald

“The focus in the Creator Orientation is on a Vision or an Outcome. You orient your thoughts and actions toward creating what you most deeply want to see or experience in life.” And: “A Creator is vision-focused and passion-motivated. To really live into your Creator self, you are called to do the inner work necessary to find your own sense of purpose—whatever touches your heart and holds meaning for you.” David Emerald

“Living from the Creator Orientation is actually more challenging. In the Victim Orientation, I didn’t have to exercise conscious choice; I just reacted to my circumstances.” David Emerald

‘The Challenger’

“All of life’s experiences are teachers in some sense, challenging us to grow and evolve. Although the Persecutor certainly provokes a reaction, the Challenger elicits a response by encouraging the Creator to acquire new knowledge, skill, or insight. Both roles provoke change, but in different ways.” David Emerald

‘The Coach’

“The Coach is the antidote to the Victim’s Rescuer in the DDT… Mainly, a Coach supports, assists, and facilitates the Creator in manifesting a desired outcome. A Coach holds others to be whole, resourceful, and creative… They help you dig deep inside yourself to gain clarity about what you want to create in your life.” David Emerald

The major difference between the Persecutor/Rescuer and the Challenger/Coach dynamic is that they respond to those around them with a view to their ultimate freedom and independence, rather than as a crutch to support their own inadequacies.

Shift Orientation

“The way you talk about yourself and your life—your story—has a great deal to do with what shows up in your day-to-day experience. Your thoughts create filters through which you view your life. If you think of yourself as a Victim, you filter all that happens to you through the lens of DDT, and you find plenty of evidence to support that viewpoint. That’s why the orientation you adopt is so important: it exerts a powerful influence on your life direction.” David Emerald

The above paragraph reinforces the importance of the work we have done on positive thinking, definite purpose, visualisation and affirmation – almost everything I’ve touched on in the Blog in fact! Everything has been deliberately designed to help you ‘see and change your story’ which may well have been keeping you stuck in a place you don’t want to be – an unrealised self fulfilling prophecy!

So, if you recognise yourself playing a DDT role, you have all the tools you need to help you shift into the ‘Power of TED’!

“God turns you from one feeling to another and teaches by means of opposites, so that you will have two wings to fly, not one.” Rumi

Creative Tension

“The way you create any outcome in your life is to hold the vision of your deepest desires. At the same time, though, you must honestly and accurately assess your current situation and how it relates to your greater vision. By doing this, you engage tension between what is and what can be. This tension is the primary creative force behind the manifestation of any outcome. It’s as natural and powerful as the force of gravity.
In the case of dynamic tension, you can resolve the tension in either direction. You can let go of your vision and snap back toward your current reality, or you can move from your current situation toward your vision.” David Emerald

This is a running theme throughout the Blog; identify your desired outcome, and move towards it. Yes there is a journey to be had between the two points – and that is the fun part! Therein is the discovery of who you truly are and what you can achieve.

“Some of the steps you take may end up being detours or out-and-out mistakes. By staying focused on your vision, though, you’ll find even those steps useful in the creating process.
It is the Baby Steps you take, the everyday things you do, that eventually lead to the manifestation of your outcome” David Emerald

Task

• Journal anything that has come up for you in this post

• Consider the DDT roles, have any resonated with you? If so, write down how you can convert to TED.

• Are you taking your Baby Steps, positive, everyday things that move you towards your outcome?

This post’s tasks require honest self investigation which may be revelatory or uncomfortable. If you find it to be the latter, just acknowledge it’s part of the growing pains of change.

A shift is taking place and that is a good thing. Be willing to go further down the rabbit hole, it’s full of surprises!

You’re doing brilliantly…

Encouragingly yours,

Dawn

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